A book of essays, accompanied by illustrations, that give a revealing insight into the forthright and often controversial views of Charles Saatchi on a wide-ranging number of topics.

• Cover
• Title
• Child abuse? Guilty on all counts.
• Your last meal on Death Row.
• God only knows. Have we failed Him, or has He failed us?
• How nuts is your shrink?
• My love affair with Orson Welles.
• Politicians are not hypocrites.
• The hideousness of the art world.
• Green with vanity.
• Growing old is better than not.
• Smoking is a dying art.
• What would Turner do?
• Socializing for party duds.
• Are museums fooling the public, or themselves?
• Would you rather keep fit, or keep alive?
• Love may be blind, but marriage is an eye-opener.
• Take a lesson from the weather. It pays no attention to criticism.
• Good is the enemy of great?
• Was Rothko closer to God than us?
• The Beatles didn’t create Beatlemania. It was Franz Liszt.
• Could you draw an accurate map of Europe from memory?
• The jet set have flown away.
• Advertising is easy money for school dropouts.
• Lucky for me, there’s no justice in this world.
• Being thick is no obstacle to being a successful artist.
• Lobbying for beginners.
• The poorer you are at poker, the richer you are in friends.
• I miss the Mafia.
• War doesn’t determine who’s right, war determines who’s left.
• Is the theatre clapped out?
• Your tour guide to artist studios.
• Even vegetarians eat cellulose.
• Crippled by cliché.
• People don’t spit at women wearing leather.
• This is no time to make new enemies.
• There are worse writers than me, published every day.
• If it can’t be explained by science, try a séance.
• Art fairs are not fair to art.
• Too many cock-ups to remember, but one I never forget.
• Is good luck or bad luck passed on genetically?
• Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.
• Ancient Romans didn’t throw-up their food in vomitoria.
• It takes a brave man not to be a hero in the Red Army.
• Having the memory of a goldfish is probably better than having mine.
• There is no future living in the past.
• Modern art can make you sick.
• Man bites mosquito.
• Not all conspiracy theories can be crackpot, can they?
• Is it only perverts that download sex filth on to their computers?
• Seven Deadly Sins vs. Seven Heavenly Virtues.
• I am not as old as I look.
• Are children today more advanced than we were?
• What’s the best age to become an art star? 4? Or 94?
• It isn’t business. It’s just personal.
• Painting is a blind man’s profession.
• What is the most painful memory you have?
• London’s Olympics — best enjoyed abroad.
• Interesting facts to bore a bore with.
• which is the worst phobia, fear of spiders or fear of cocktail parties?
• Knowing yourself well, would you choose you as a friend?
• Do you have a toilet face?
• Isn’t everybody schizophrenic, or is it just me?
• Love means forever having to say you’re sorry.
• The sword is mightier than the pen.
• Copyright