A collection of poems reflecting Thomas Hardy's tumultuous marriage to Emma Gifford.

In many of his poems, the great Dorset poet and novelist Thomas Hardy referred to a certain romantic courtship, a marriage which became progressively more problematical, and finally to a bereavement in which a man loses his wife. So, who was Hardy writing about? The clue is to be found in his early poems, where the names of several locations in North Cornwall are mentioned, this being the very same place which featured in Hardy’s courtship of Emma Gifford, who was to become his first wife.

The poems raise certain questions. Given that Hardy and Emma gradually drifted apart so that in the end they lived mainly separate lives, albeit under the same roof, why was he so grief-stricken when she died, bearing in mind that their marriage was so unsatisfactory?

How did Hardy cope as he passed through the various stages of grief, which he articulated so poignantly and expressively in his poems? These stages are recognized today, thanks to the work of Swiss-US psychiatrist, Elisabeth Kübler-Ross, and US expert on grieving and loss, David Kessler.

Finally, how did Hardy survive and come out the other side, and can his experience be a guide to others who find themselves alone and bereft after losing their partner?

• Cover
• Title Page
• Copyright
• Contents
• About the Author
• Acknowledgements
• Author’s Note
• Introduction
• Chapter 1 Thomas Hardy: The First Seven Decades
  • 1. A Timeline of Hardy’s Life, up to the Death of Emma
  • 2. Life Before Emma: How Hardy Pondered Over Life, Love, and Loss
  • 3. Early Disappointments in Love
  • 4. When Hardy Met Emma (7 March 1870)
  • 5. More About Emma
  • 6. Marital Discord
  • 7. A Visit from the Prince of Wales: Dorchester Honours Hardy
• Chapter 2 The Death of Emma (27 November 1912)
• Chapter 3 Bereavement: The Contribution of Elisabeth Kübler-Ross and David Kessler
• Chapter 4 Hardy and the Five Stages of Grief
  • Stage 1: Denial
  • Stage 2: Anger
  • Stage 3: Bargaining
  • Stage 4: Depression
  • Stage 5: Acceptance
• Chapter 5 Hardy and the Inner World of Grief
  • 1. Your Loss
  • 2. Relief
  • 3. Emotional Rest
  • 4. Regrets
  • 5. Tears
  • 6. Angels
  • 7. Dreams
  • 8. Roles
  • 9. The Story
  • 10. Fault
  • 11. Resentment
  • 12. Other Losses
  • 13. Life Beliefs
  • 14. Isolation
  • 15. Secrets
  • 16. Punishment
  • 17. Control
  • 18. Fantasy
  • 19. Strength
  • 20. Afterlife
• Chapter 6 Hardy and the Inner World of Grief: Hauntings
• Chapter 7 Thomas Hardy and the Outer World of Grief
  • 1. Anniversaries
  • 2. Sex
  • 3. Your Body and Your Health
  • 4. So Much to Do
  • 5. Clothes and Possessions
  • 6. Holidays
  • 7. Letter writing
  • 8. Age
  • 9. Closure
• Chapter 8 When Death is Sudden and Unexpected
• Chapter 9 Thomas Hardy’s Personal Experience of Bereavement
  • 1. Hardy Believed that Only He Remembered Emma
  • 2. How Hardy Revisited the Happy Scenes of his Courting Days
  • 3. Hardy’s Endless but Fruitless Search for Emma: the Pain of Remembrance
  • 4. Hardy’s Tendency to have Morbid Thoughts
  • 5. Hardy’s Bewilderment
  • 6. How Hardy Regretted the Fact that Emma, as a Deceased Person, could No Longer Experience what had Given her Joy during her Time on Earth
  • 7. How Hardy Longed to Put Back the Clock
  • 8. How Hardy Longed to be at Peace
• Chapter 10 Hardy’s Feelings of Guilt over his Treatment of Emma
• Chapter 11 Did Hardy and Emma Have Anything in Common at all?
• Chapter 12 Emma’s Mental State
  • 1. Hardy and Others were Aware that Emma was Mentally Unstable
  • 2. Emma’s Religious Mania
  • 3. Emma’s Mental State: a Likely Diagnosis
• Chapter 13 Hardy’s Mental State
• Chapter 14 Did Hardy Ever Regret Having Married Emma?
• Chapter 15 Despite all, Hardy, in Retrospect, Strove to See Emma in the Best Possible Light
• Chapter 16 The Important Testimony of Alice (‘Dolly’) Gale
• Chapter 17 Hardy’s Neglect of Emma
• Chapter 18 Hardy and Time; the Afterlife; Einstein
  • 1. Hardy’s Preoccupation with Time
  • 2. Hardy, Emma, and the ‘Afterlife’
  • 3. Albert Einstein: for Hardy, the Answer to a Prayer?
  • 4. Einstein and Michele Besso
  • 5. Einstein: Hardy’s Huge Misinterpretation
  • 6. Hardy’s Final Days: Four Important Poems
• Chapter 19 Hardy’s Later Years
  • 1. Further Honours for Hardy
  • 2. Marriage to Florence Dugdale (10 February 1914)
  • 3. What Florence had Really Thought of Emma
  • 4. The Death of Hardy’s Sister Mary
  • 5. Those who Beat a Path to Hardy’s Door
  • 6. How Hardy Acknowledged the Fact of his Own Mortality
  • 7. Hardy’s Incivility and Meanness
  • 8. Was Hardy a Pessimist?
  • 9. Hardy and Persistent Complex Bereavement Disorder
  • 10. How Hardy Cherished the Memory of Lost Loved Ones
  • 11. Hardy as a Subject for Psychological Study!
• Chapter 20 Further Likely Reasons for Emma’s Dislike of Hardy
• Chapter 21 Did Emma Ever Love Hardy?
• Chapter 22 How Did Hardy Survive the Loss of Emma? His Coping Mechanisms
  • 1. How the Mind Deals with Memories
  • 2. How Distractions Offered Hardy a Diversion from Painful Memories
  • 3. Revisting Former Haunts
  • 4. How Hardy Came to Depend on Florence: Mutual Support
  • 5. Hardy’s Memorial to Emma
  • 6. A Continuity of Lifestyle
  • 7. Did Hardy Find Any Solace in Religion?
• Chapter 23 How Scientific Advances Have Shed a Different Light on the Authenticity of Religion
• Chapter 24 How Hardy Mourned his Loss of Faith
• Chapter 25 Proof of Hardy’s Recovery, Albeit Fragile!
• Chapter 26 The Death of Hardy (11 January 1928)
• Chapter 27 Science Sheds New Light on ‘Complicated Grief’
• Chapter 28 Aftermath
• Chapter 29 Epilogue
• Notes
• Bibliography
• By the Same Author
• Plates